he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
