This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
