drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
