he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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