I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
