I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
