After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
