i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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