Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
