just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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