Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He did a backflip because drugs
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
