i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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