Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
