No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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