i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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