Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
