Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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