I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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