That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
