Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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