i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
