Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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