Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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