new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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