i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
