i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
