So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
