I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
