That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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