jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
