in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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