Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
