Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
