I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah Iβd say sheβs rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
