I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
