There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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