So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
