Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
