then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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