yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
