My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
