She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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