The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.