I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize