Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.