my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
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I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car