Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome