so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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