I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
