under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
