Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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