Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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