he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
