Im at strip club and am horny
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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