I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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