omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
