I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
