best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
