And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
