if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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