How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
