You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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