Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
