My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Randomize
