I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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