apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
