Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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