what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
