the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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