All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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