Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
