Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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