last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
