I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
