youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
