Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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