Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im holly from the hills drunk
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
we're so committed to being not committed
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