Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
