He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
