very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
