dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
a search helicopter?!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
