Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm always down for nudity.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
