I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
